So, the UK election dust from the start of July has definitely settled and the keys to Number 10 have been handed over.
Now we can all get on with far more important things, such as knowing which High Valyrian command will get your dragon to fart fire and why the web’s looking at tea bags as a sunburn cure.
Yes, we are back and the votes are in. Cue the music and let us reveal what’s been topping the Google Search charts for the past month.
Ready? Let’s go.
Bye bye Rishi, hello Keir
Okay, let’s get the big beast out of the way. The UK has a shiny new government and Prime Minister so it’s no surprise that the search for General Election on Google hit a monster 50,000 in early July.
However, that pales into insignificance compared to searches on the big night itself for BBC News, which hit one million.
Biden bows out, Trump shot down, and Kamala’s star rises: the race for the White House gets keeerayzeeee.
Over in ‘Murica US Prez Joe Biden’s dopey debate performance led to LOTS of questions. ‘What party is Joe Biden?’ spiked over 250% and even the assassination attempt on Trump couldn’t stop the relentless stream of whispers about Biden’s age.
The Prez insisted he was fine but when you’ve lost George Clooney, you know you’re screwed.
The wobbles got worse when Covid caught up with Sleepy Joe, while the search for ‘Trump ear bandage’ rose 70%. But it was Biden who caught the world napping when he stepped out of the presidential race, and prompting searches for Vice President Kamala Harris to skyrocket 900%.
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Boobs, bums and backstabbing galore
If chirpy Lib Dem leader Ed Davey ticking off his bucket list didn’t quite hit the bloodlust spot, series two of House of the Dragon has boobs, bums, backstabbing and bitchery to spare.
It’s also led to the top ‘how to learn’ language search as fans (we hope) brush up on their High Valyrian, with ‘can you learn high valyrian’ and ‘who speaks high valyrian’ up 150%. These people know it’s not real, right?
Speaking of fantasy and proof that some things really are worth the wait, sci-fi fans went berserk after news Mel Brooks’ daft 1987 flick Spaceballs was getting a sequel Searches for ‘Spaceballs sequel’ hit a stratospheric 1,050%.
A fond farewell to a true original
Sad news from the arts and ents world came with the death of much-loved Canadian actor Donald Sutherland.
Fellow veteran thesp Alan Alda, who played Sutherland’s M*A*S*H character Hawkeye Pierce in the TV version, got a breakout search boost.
South African stars rise
Netflix has been a brilliant place to watch stuff that isn’t home grown or from ‘Murica. One to watch is South African drama Savage Beauty (think of it as the bastard love child of Revenge and Succession). Searches for it were up more than 550%.
Ed’s bonkers election campaign
It’s not always easy to speak well of politicians but fair play to Ed Davey and his bonkers election campaign.
As well as having more fun than a busload of pensioners with an unlimited supply of gin and speed, he managed to put caregivers firmly in the spotlight, boosting searches for the occupation by 40% in the UK.
Find out more by following @carers_uk.
NHS pay rise
Meanwhile, it looks like underpaid health workers have also been hitting their keyboards, as ‘NHS pay rise’ was the top-searched and top-trending pay rise query, with a whacking 440%.
Brits fret about Joe and Gregg
Perhaps some UK searchers need to get out more… They were worried about the health of US Prez Joe Biden and MasterChef’s Gregg ‘the egg’ Wallace, with searches for both zooming past 250%.
Sad searches
Possibly saddest of all, the top question surrounding the UK’s beloved but damn-near broken health service was: “What does ‘NHS’ stand for?”
Sickly heartburn
Over in ‘Murica, searches for the question ‘can heartburn make you throw up?’ spiked over 2,500%. It had nothing to do with claims of divine intervention after Trump’s assassination attempt, but that wasn’t all…”
DIY sunblock
Folk also got busy searching the web for home-made sunblock and tanning oils. Maybe it’s still cheaper than handing over the internal organ of your choice to pay the health care bill for stubbing your toe.
Amid the top five searches for sunburn cures were the dodgy-sounding Noxzema cream and silver sulfadiazine cream.
Bringing up the rear was a baking soda bath (great if you want to flay yourself alive) and tea bags.
Burn and then a brew, anyone?
‘Oi America, give us our summer back’
While everyone in the UK is still waiting for the summer to get started, there was still hope that some sunshine would appear.
While searches for ‘weather forecast heatwave UK’ spiked by over 2,200%, across the pond, where millions suffered record-breaking heat, things were very different.
Searches for ‘how long will this heat wave last’ were up more than 4,850% and ‘heat wave weather forecast’ over 2,250%.
You can find NHS guidelines on dealing with extreme heat here.
New balls please
July means Wimbledon and the tennis competition hasn’t just had us daydreaming about Carlos Alcaraz’s phenomenal balls (we’re talking the speed of his serves, obviously) it’s been among the UK’s top food and drink searches.
All us lesser mortals who weren’t slurping champers and scoffing strawbs with the slebs at SW19 have been kickin’ up our heels too, so ner.
Searches for food and drinks festivals across the country topped the Google charts all month long.
Full of spritz
In ‘Murica, the desperation to cool down while marking the Fourth of July naturally spilled into searches for drinkypoos, leading to ‘spritz’ hitting a record high.
Among the trending recipes are the perky-sounding Campari spritz, Capri spritz, Crodino spritz (presumably not made with actual crocodiles), Aperol spritz and Limoncello spritz.
That’s a lot of spritz but god knows they need something to wash down all that grilled food slathered in hot sauce.
Au revoir to the office
UK workers? A surly, insular bunch? How very dare you!
Thing is, the data don’t lie… Searches for ‘remote job’ recently hit an all-time high in the UK, and three of the top five ‘where’ queries really showed people’s priorities:
Where you can work from home
Where you don’t have to talk to people
Where you can sit down
Make of those three queries what you will, but things take an even more interesting turn when we look at relocation job searches, which also hit a record high. Can you guess the top trending country?
It was… Saudi Arabia!
Wedding wings
Summer also means wedding season and the endless search for something suitable to wear. Recently, ‘jumpsuits for women’ spiked over 3,350%, closely followed by ‘shawls for weddings’, with more than 2,800%.
Based on this data, we can confidently say two things: a wingsuit is your best bet (as long as you don’t wear a white one) and a big fat “fuck you” to fascinators.
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Cool summer
Of course, not everyone wants to get away from the UK altogether – some just need a bit of a break (“it’s not you darling, it’s me”).
Google search trends for summer vacay were topped by British Airways (complaints forms at the ready, people) but finding sun, sea and sand in all the cracks is clearly not UK holidaymakers’ first priority.
Hot on BA’s heels was skiing with a spike of more than 1,800%.
Andy bows out
He may be Scottish when he loses and British when he wins, but two-time champion Andy Murray was the undisputed King of Wimbledon 🫅 this year, with searches hitting over 100,000 as he made his final appearance at SW19 😭
Murray’s emotional farewell briefly eclipsed Euro 2024, but it didn’t last long.
‘Albania fastest goal’ became a global search trend after, well, they scored the fastest goal…
Meanwhile, ‘goal of the round Euro 2024’ soared over 3,500% worldwide and, back in the UK, the Euros were searched 320% more than Wimbledon.
If your kid has been obsessed with the footie, even after England’s soulcrushing loss in the final (bring on the Lionesses) and Gareth Southgate’s exit, drop the great team at SoccerDays a line.
WTF?
We know not everything in life can be neatly boxed up and pigeon-holed, so we’re adding this section for Google searches that have that special WTF factor.
Bacon ain’t fakin’ when he says: “being normal sucks”
Kevin Bacon is famous for many things: shaking his jean-clad bum in Footloose, creeping us all out in Hollow Man, and being named after one of the best sandwich fillings in the world.
But it wasn’t his CV that prompted searches for him to spike more than 20,000% in the US. It was his conclusion that being a ‘normal person’ (which he tried for one entire day) as opposed to a celeb, “sucked”. Thanks for that.
Bonkers blocks
Finally, fans of Stanley Kubrick’s film 2001: A Space Odyssey know there’s a weird monolith in it. But did you know there are three in ‘Murica (where else?) too?
A new one recently popped up in Nevada, following others in Utah, Romania, California and New Mexico.
These 12-foot tall metal slabs mysteriously come and go, and the latest one prompted a three-fold spike in US questions about what they’re made of, while “monolith meaning” was up more than 300%. The truth is out there.
That’s it – for now…
Before you throw open the cupboards and start experimenting with spritzers and sunblocks, or watch Footloose for the 80,000th time and swear it’s research (who cares what for?), make sure you sign up for next month’s round-up of Google Searches. They’ll be freshly poured with ice and a slice, and waiting in your inbox before you’ve twerked on TikTok.
